I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
