Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
