After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
