I don't usually arrange sex via text message
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
