I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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