I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
