You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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