when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
