I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
