Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there was a trapeze. enough said
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
