Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
