Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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