my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
