Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
