This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
