So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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