Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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