Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
