Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
