I just made out with a guy for $7.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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