More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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