I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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