Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
