this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
