i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
