You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
