His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Of course I have a pirate flag
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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