ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
