i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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