your thong is hanging out like whoa
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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