The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
