Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm too high and old for this...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
