I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
