I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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