They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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