i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
