I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If I die, sorry about rent.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
