is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Randomize
