remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she peed on how many people?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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