She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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