I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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