his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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