You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
