So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
