i already hear my dad disowning me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
