I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
