I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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