Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
