Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
