hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
